Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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