Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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