Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
