Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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