i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
