I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
