I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
