Your tits are I can't wait for
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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