I could have mohawked her pubes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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