he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
