Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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