I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
