dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
