there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
