No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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