my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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