Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
