She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
