just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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