You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
