I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
