just come out here and I will go home with you...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
