I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
