I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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