She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
