Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
