she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
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