sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
