god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
