So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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