He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
