Got a toothbrush?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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