there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am one with the molecules
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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