You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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