Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
