I'm eating all of the evidence.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
