and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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