I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
