Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
