She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
