my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
