Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
God, I missed his penis.
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