I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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