i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
