i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
