Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
