I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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