were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
