proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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