hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
